help for depression and anxiety

New Years help for anxiety and depression

2012-01-07T12:18:00.000-08:00

As I write this the sun is shining brightly and it is perfect weather to take a hike. But it may no be so for you. So what can you do that is healthy and part of self care? When I ask my clients this question they normally have some activities they have enjoyed in the past, but because they are stressed, anxious or depressed it might be hard for them to get motivated. There's the dilemma! Doing healthy activities you love can assist you greatly in lowering depression, anxiety or general stress.... but at these times you may not be motivated to do these activities! What can you do? I have written here many, many times about the importance of changing the way we thing about things, events, ourselves... Here is a perfect opportunity to use your thoughts to motivate yourself.
Instead of saying to yourself, "I don't fell like doing _______, because I am stressed, anxious or depressed" you can start practicing saying to yourself, "I AM doing this activity because I KNOW I will feel better." Now it sounds simple, but negative thoughts can feel very strong so I invite you right NOW to practice saying"I am going to do _______________ right now because I KNOW I will feel better!" Practice saying this over and over as you get ready to leave your house and get going!
It really does work, changing your thoughts- it just takes lots of practice.

Have you decided who you want to be? Help for depression

2011-10-30T10:54:00.000-07:00

Who we are is quite different than what we do. It is often easier to decide what profession we want in our lives than HOW we will live our lives. How we lives our lives, the quality of our life may have little to do with what we do for a living. It doesn't matter what you do for a living if you enter each day without compassion and kindness for both yourself as well as others. Think about every person you may come into contact with throughout the day. Are they kind to you? Are you kind to them? And if the answer is no, doesn't it color the entire interaction?
There are so many reasons why we forget about being kind and compassionate.. We are anxious, maybe afraid, we are depressed, maybe disappointed.. and we lose the essential quality that is a core part of our lives.. the ability we all have to be kind. Simple kindness can change lives, it can change our lives, it an change others' lives. Today, even if you are depressed, anxious, scared, disappointed, I invite you to experiment with kindness and compassion. I invite you to consciously acknowledge those you love with kindness, not complicated, not a long conversation, but a simple kindness...and breathe, always breathe as you open to this.

What are you waiting for? help for anxiety and depression

2011-09-17T18:20:00.000-07:00

Did you ever notice that sometimes, even when you really want to take some action to change your life, you cannot because of depression or anxiety? And then you beat yourself up about it and it makes you feel worse. And then you get angry at yourself for beating yourself up.... and it goes on and on until you may notice you have been thinking negatively for a long time.
Well, this can happen to any of us, it is something the brain likes to do.... think over and over about the same thing. But there is a way to change this cycle.
I have spoken about the idea of AWARENESS many times in this blog because it is so important.... to become aware of this present moment-
What are we thinking about? Is it negative, are you thinking about the past with regret, are you thinking about the future with fear?
So now in this present moment, in fact each present you have an opportunity to change our thinking, to stop negative thoughts and fears.... but awareness of the present moment is fundamental to this. We can not change anything if we are not aware.
So.... experiment with this maybe today, this week, maybe this month... as you go about your day stop for a moment and start NOW to be aware of what you are thinking- you don't have to do anything else because the moment you are aware you have a real opportunity to say to yourself- "I am in the present moment and I AM OK". If you have to say it 100 times- say it. Because right now , as you read this you are in the present moment and you are OK.

Help for Anxiety

2011-08-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

I have written about anxiety in my blogs but I feel the need to write about again given all the uncertainties in our lives right now. I will start with asking you to focus on this present moment and stay with this moment. As you notice something distracting you allow it to be, take notice but come back to this present moment. Did you know that all we really have, ever, is this present moment? Really- this is not a gimmick or wordplay but this present moment- this wonderful moment has the possibility to be a moment of aliveness and joy or it can be turned into a moment where the past or the future inserts itself.... and this present moment is now lost to something that is already past or might never be. This moment is the most important moment in the history of the world -because it is now and it is real and it has all the opportunities of your life embedded in it. But you have to focus on it. Notice,in this present moment, the air around you, the sounds, the smells, ,nature, maybe your dog barking and embrace the aliveness of this. and be kind to yourself- be kind in this moment and breathe a deeply alive breath, again, you are here now and you are OK - this is the reality of your life. Be present and you will be OK.

help for anxiety- when nothing is certain

2011-06-05T10:55:00.000-07:00

All we have to do is look at the weather to verify nothing is certain! This weather can be looked at as a metaphor for our lives. We think that if we make plans and attempt to control every element of these plans that we can actually control what happens in our lives. Well, life is more complex than that! Angeles Arrien, a wonderful cultural anthropologist talks about the importance to being "open to outcome, not attached to outcome". How hard this is for most of us. For those of you with high anxieties about the future, fears about not being able to control the future- you have an opportunity to think about your goals differently... It is all about HOW YOU THINK ABOUT THINGS. You can gain some control over changing your thoughts but it takes lots of practice.
If you develop the mantra-" I am open to outcome- not attached to outcome" you can let go of the tight, constricting hold you have on how you want your future to look.
You have an opportunity right in this moment to say this to yourself. Wow! what a relief not to feel you have to control everything(and everyone). Take a deep breathe and breathe out slowly. You have the time now to do this.

Help for anxiety

2011-04-02T09:37:00.001-07:00

Many people come to see me because of severe anxiety. Anxiety is such a physical experience. Your body may feel tense, your breathing may be shallow, you may be jittery, you may not be able to sit down. Along with these body sensations, your thoughts may be of fears especially about the future. These are common symptoms. This is why many people seek out a therapist who can assist them with decreasing or eliminating these fears and uncomfortable body sensations.

Interesting enough the body sensations and the thoughts and fears become a feedback loop- one feeds off the other- You think fearful thoughts- your body becomes tense and your breathing is shallow and then you think more fearful thoughts!
The first think you want to do is BECOME AWARE OF THIS FEEDBACK LOOP. The next step is starting to work on BREAKING IT! You can start by breathing deeper into your belly, slowing down your breath. You can also learn to relax your body through different relaxation exercises. The important thing to remember is that you CAN feel better. I know you can. You need to know you can.

effective help for anxiety

2011-03-03T17:57:00.000-08:00

Anxiety can lead you to go down the road of catastrophic future thinking- afraid this is going to happen, that will happen. WE all can find ourselves down that road- I call it the "negative thought cycle" or "thought bubble" that feels like it is in control of our thoughts! You probably know what I mean.
Now think about this.. Every time you find yourself in your negative thought cycle say to yourself,
"Come back to the present,
Come back to the present,
Come back to the present."
It is only in the present where you can think more clearly.
Come into the present and start observing what is around you. Look out of a window and observe a tree, maybe see or hear the song or a bird... stay with that, in the present moment and you can pull yourself out of negative thought cycles.
It works, I assure you. If you are in my part of town and really want training in this powerful technique call me and I know I can help you feel in control of your life!

Time to renew your commitment to life without worry and depression

2011-01-01T10:43:00.000-08:00

The beginning year is always a good time to renew your commitment to life. This past year has been hard for so many people and the stress has gone through the roof! But you are still here and every day is a new opportunity to say to yourself that you are ok and that you will slow down and be present every day.
When you worry about the future you are unable to be in the present. Worrying can cause so much stress and many people can feel depressed because they cannot stop worrying. If you say to yourself, "Come back to the present" when you find yourself worrying about the future, you can start to be more present.
I encourage you to try this, experiment CHANGING THE CONVERSATIONS YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF. This is most important. When you find yourself in the vicious cycle of continued worry try saying this simple phrase over and over. It can reboot your thinking. It really does work!

help for depression-changing your perspective

2010-10-28T12:02:00.000-07:00

As I was hiking and running this morning I came upon two large rocks that I see on this trail every day. One rock is covered with a wonderful bright green moss, the other, because of its location is just covered with fallen leaves from the trees above. I began to acknowledge these rocks when I pass, touching them gently as I pass them. It made me think of a tale I heard lost ago about a man who felt empty, who felt there was no meaning in his life and was sitting by a stream one day. He noticed that a stream of water was constantly hitting on rock and had been doing so for many, many years and now there was an indent in the rock. He realized that even a rock can change when some force was pushing it to so he could change if he pushed himself- if he had the will, the motivation. He began to think differently about his life from that moment on and he became a very wise man.
If doesn't matter how long you have been sad, depressed, angry or defeated you CAN change when you change your perspective.

Ever wonder what a therapist actually does?

2010-10-03T09:10:00.000-07:00

My brother has a love bird that is blind and it cannot fly. Its mate died years ago and this bird was stepped on by mistake. And my brother has this bird, who cannot see, by his side. And the bird won’t let my brother touch him even though he is blind and alone.. What a dilemma for both of them. This is what happens to us in life. We want closeness but we can’t bear to be close, we want love but we run from it. And we look out from the box of our own making, shaking ours heads because we don’t know how to fix it. That is when they may decide to see a counselor.
I see people who want better lives but are unable to see how to do it. They want to be close but they can’t, they want to feel happy but they won’t allow themselves. And they enter my office looking to me to give them something, anything, that they can take with them to help them. It seems to me sometimes a daunting task and a big responsibility.
As someone talks to me in my office on that first day I begin to get the feel for the person. I look at how they are telling me their story, what piece of their story they choose to tell me first, what piece may get left out until the very last moment of a session. All of this is important. I observe how they are sitting, how their body remains motionless or can’t stop moving as they tell me why they are in my office. I listen as they tell me their hope for our time together and the fears they have about their lives.
As they talk to me I feel patterns appearing in my head, the swirling patterns of lives lived and stories told the shocking similarities between the most different of people and the wonderful uniqueness of everyone I see. Patterns arise and a picture can appear of interconnected energies all feeding off of each other. My task is to try to separate and clarify what is really happening in that person’s life. It is most often not the thing that the person has turned to me to fix or cure. If only it were so simple.

help for depression-understanding the brain

2010-09-04T11:47:00.001-07:00

Did you know that the brain likes the familiar? Did you ever wonder why you may notice that you do the same behaviors your parents did EVEN THOUGH you hated when they did it? well the brain got used to the interactions you had with your parents based on those behaviors and now, since the brain loves the familiar, you continue to do the SAME behaviors EVEN THOUGH they don't work in your life and the behaviors may make you depressed or anxious. As I have written many times in this blog, understanding this and becoming aware when you engage in the unsuccessful, ineffective behaviors will allow you the space to start thinking differently and actually change your brain. Remember, the brain likes the familiar, so if you begin to interact and think in a more positive way ON A REGULAR BASIS than THIS will become familiar to your brain and you will feel better,feel more successful in your life and certainly happier because things are working for you! It's all in the brain and its YOUR brain so you get to change it

Do you believe you deserve to be loved? help for depression

2010-08-29T18:50:00.000-07:00

A few years ago a client walked into my office and said to me, "I was thinking today about how I really deserved to be loved". What a wonderful, positive thought. And of course it was true. But how many times have you thought negative thoughts like, "I am alone", No one loves me" "I don't deserve to be loved". These are common thoughts when one is depressed and feeling isolated. Negative thoughts take a life of their own and pretty soon you may be thinking the same negative thoughts over and over. These thoughts can cause further depression because what we think about affects how we see ourselves!.
So when my client walked into my office and said that they were thinking about how they deserved to be loved they were actually changing the way they thought about themselves.
Most people seek counseling because they don't feel good about themselves and they want to feel better. Thinking positively can help change the way you think about yourself. It is a powerful tool for change but it is not easy. You must be mindful when you are thinking negatively so you can change the negative thought to a positive thought. You deserve to be loved, you can be sure of that.

understanding the brain-help for depression

2010-08-11T12:42:00.000-07:00

If you were able to look into your brain in the midst of depression or anxiety you would be able to actually see that your brain is not working optimally. The part of your brain that gives you perspective is not working correctly. You would be able to SEE why you are thinking the way you are thinking. When you are depressed, everything looks bleak. And when you think negatively a cycle is created that makes you think more negatively. And the cycle of negative thinking takes over. It is in control of you! How often have you thought, "I just can't control my negative thoughts". Well this is a common problem! The first, more important thing to do is to BECOME AWARE that you are having negative thoughts. It is amazing how often one can be in a very negative thought cycle and not even realize it!.
So being aware is the first step in changing your thoughts. And this is what you have to do and you CAN do- change your negative thinking. Becoming aware is the first step in a process of change. But I can assure you that you CAN change your negative thinking. And when you change your negative thinking your brain changes. You can have hope.

help for depression-acknowledge others

2010-07-22T11:44:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought about a thoughtful kind thing that some has done for you or a thoughtful thing someone has said to you and wondered," Maybe I should tell them" ... and you never get around to it? All you would have to do is pick up the phone, text this person or e-mail them and say "thanks" I am not talking about thanking someone for a big act but rather for something small, something that was said or done that was generous, kind, caring. Do you sometimes not even appreciate those small things?
These small moments are so important to appreciate and acknowledge. Especially if you are depressed or anxious you may forget, but the interesting thing about acknowledgment is that it can actually make you feel better. And since feeling acknowledged is a key part of feeling "seen" it will certainly feel good to the person you are acknowledging. I invite you try start.. you may never stop.

help for depression-understanding limits

2010-07-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes clients come to see me because they feel so overwhelmed in their lives. They are working full time, they have children they are caring for, more and more they are caring for their aging parents-They are very stressed but they don't even know where to begin. Something I learned a long time ago is that you cannot do everything and being everything to everyone.
What are your limits? Have you ever thought about that? Have you been taught that pushing yourself is a good thing? Well, maybe pushing oneself is a good thing because when we push ourselves we are challenging ourselves to do better and we can learn and grow and improve by this. Pushing oneself becomes a problem when you don't know when to stop, when you have spent so much time saying yes to everything and everyone that you don't know how to say No and you are afraid to say no because you don't want to disappoint anyone.
Learning to respect and understand your limits then becomes very important. Understanding that pushing yourself is positive but accepting your limits is even more important. When I say ACCEPTING your limits I do mean ACCEPTING because having limits that you are regretting or feeling bad or guilty about is just as stressful and unhealthy as not setting limits at all.
Part of being able to set and accept limits and about ACCEPTING YOURSELF as you are. Doing more more more is not better. You are OK the way you are.
Listen to your body- the stress of doing more and more weighs heavily on bodies literally-Do you eat more when you are stressed? Do you exercise? Do you take time to relax? Do you feel you DESERVE time to yourself? When you ACCEPT your limits this means you are stopping to take a breath and look around at this precious life. Once you stop, take a breathe, take one thing at a time the grip of "overwhelmness" has on you will loosen and you can begin to feel more in control of your life.

help for depression

2010-06-24T15:21:00.000-07:00

Some people begin psychotherapy with the hope of becoming happy. But happiness can not be forced. Happiness is the result of changes one can make in one's life. What are important elements of change? Being in the present is most important. Being clear that the past cannot be changed and worrying about the future is a waste of precious time and energy can help you be in the present. Appreciating this present moment.... This is a good beginning... And looking at your life the way it truly is- not the way you yearn for it to be, are afraid that it is or wish it could be. How can you do this? Start by considering that the story you have about your life, that you tell yourself and others- MAY NOT BE TRUE!. Most of us think we are WHAT YOUR MOTHER OR FATHER TOLD YOU. Just because they said it doesn't make it true. You get to write your own story about who you are!
When you understand that the WAY YOU THINK ABOUT THINGS impacts how you feel and you have the power to change the way you thing about yourself, others and your relationships. This is very powerful in helping you change the way you feel.
When you can be present, write your own true story of who you are and understand that you have the power to change your thoughts....happiness can follow because you have made room for it- It is waiting for you.

the sandwich generation- help for depression

2010-06-06T13:41:00.000-07:00

Are you part of the "sandwich generation"? This is the generation who is caring for their children as well as their parents... thus the expression,"sandwich". The most common feelings I hear from clients are the feeling of being overwhelmed and the feeling of being helpless. We are all so busy these days and it is not surprising that we may feel overwhelmed, helpless, stressed and sometimes depressed. What can you do about this? Well, with regard to your parents.. Are you a kind an loving child? Are you taking care of them to the best of your ABILITY? Are you taking care of YOURSELF? All these things are important. Taking care of yourself, continuing to have joy in your life is essential... otherwise you risk becoming a martyr.
All you have is today... Have you been kind and caring today to both your loved ones and yourself? If you haven't you can begin NOW. If you can say to yourself that you are kind to yourself today and kind to your loved ones, you can feel satisfied because the act of being kind can give great meaning to your life.

help for depression- in the face of suffering

2010-05-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

My mother is out of the hospital but she is not out of the woods. I think of how important it is to be present with those we love- never forgetting to acknowledge our love, our empathy... and be present with our suffering when we see our loved one suffer because it is a fact of life. Suffering is part of life but it is not all of life. If we are present each moment, savoring life, savoring all that we have, our friendships, relationships, our health, our ability to get around, our ability to look up to the sky and see the birds, to hear them sing, to see the clouds form and change, to feel the wind against our skin, to close our eyes with gratitude that we are alive... we have this opportunity right now, even if there is sadness, loss, depression, anxiety we can all take a deep breathe .... do this now .... feel your aliveness - it is a true gift we are given- this aliveness, breathe and take it in, our beautiful gift we have been given.

we have an obligation to live-inspite of suffering

2010-04-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

My mother has been the hospital for 2 weeks. Because of the consequences of diabetes she had both herleft leg and her right leg amputated. She survives. She choked on food and almost died and she survives. why do we want to live in this world? We often find that our will to live comes from knowing that other people love us and need us.
when we are depressed we forget all that but I am hear to tell you that knowing someone loves you is all you need to get past the most horrible physical and emotional pain in your life. sing the praises of love and be love, act love become love and you will survive.

Be here now!(sound familiar?)help for depression

2010-03-29T12:46:00.001-07:00

It is raining today after many days of an almost early summer!
It rains, its sunny, its warm out, its cold... It is our Life! what are you doing this moment(or should I say, after you finish reading this?)Are you stuck in a negative mindset? Are you angry that your life has not turned out the way you imagined? Are you anxious or depressed about your life?
Every moment that you are stuck in the cycle of negative thinking is a moment that is taken out of your Life. When we think negatively we are not present. We are lost in our thoughts. In fact, our thoughts have taken control of us!
So now, in this moment, take a deep breath, breathing slowly in and slowly out. Feel your life breath and feel the power of your aliveness. Now close your eyes and imagine you are in a forest surrounded by trees, birds are singing, the sun is shining and you are safe. Open your eyes and you can be there any time. When you find yourself lost in negative thoughts imagine the forest, breath and refocus on your aliveness.

The sun is out! depression can lift!

2010-03-15T15:03:00.000-07:00

Spring is within our sight! When I was out hiking I could feel it in the air. Time moves forward whether we want it to or not. Every moment we can make a choice how to live. When you are depressed or anxious, going through difficult times, it is hard to see or feel you have a choice because of the negative thoughts and sense of hopelessness you may feel.

When you go outside, spend time outside, hiking, walking through trees, listening to birds singing, you can come out of the negative thinking by focusing on the trees, the sky and the sound of the birds. Now I an not saying that taking a hike will lift anxiety or depression. I wish it was as easy as that. But being in nature can certainly take you out of your negative thinking for a short time, give you respite from feeling sad. Once you know you can feel better, even for a short time, you can turn nature regularly to assist you during difficult times. Try it... you may find it helps!

balance

2010-02-26T09:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday the sky was blue and the ferns on the trees where I run and hike had turned a glorious bright green from all the rain. I passed a woman who was accompanied by her very happy dogs. We exchanged hellos and she said,"Just being here could put anyone in a good mood!". I agreed! Balance. Always balance, the difficult things we have to do in life, care for an ill parent, take care of our own mental and physical health- this can be daunting... and then there is the trail in the woods with the wildflowers just blooming purple and red and the bright green ferns growing on the trees...

how to stay calm when a parent is in the hospital

2010-02-23T18:02:00.000-08:00

This morning, early , I thought I heard the faint sound of my cell ringing in the other room, I was half awake and at 6:30 in the morning I know what it was going to be about. my mom...I laid in bed for a long while , until I saw some light come through my window. I needed all the sleep I could since I know that once I took the voicemail it would be the end of the calm of the night.
I finally got up and it was my mom's doctor telling me that they,at the geriatric facility when she lives in NY, had decided my mom needed to be hospitalized due to ongoing complications of diabetes. She just turned 83.
I spoke at length with with Dr who gave me her time and was kind. That is so important. I got to talk to my mom and she knew she was on the way to the hospital. Her voice was weak, not the strong voice of her youth, with her easy laughter.... she was vulnerable and afraid.
I was able to talk to her in the ER and she seemed ok there but it took me so long to get through to them. Frustrating for me. Throughout the day my key thoughts are twofold- self care so I can go on and thoughts of my mom- hard to balance those two. but both so important.

so much info-who can you trust?

2010-02-22T19:06:00.000-08:00

the short answer to that is TRUST YOURSELF! We are often so afraid of trusting ourselves because of our parents' voices from far ago that may have lead us to feel unsure or insecure. The present is happening in this loving and compassionate moment and when you hold yourself in high esteem you are able to trust yourself. Listen- you have made it up until this point so this means you have resources- inner resources -you have drawn on in the past. The wonder of it all is that it is TODAY. TODAY commit to trust yourself TODAY commit to respect yourself and love, always love, with sincerity and authenticity...

help for depression-what happens when we get ill

2010-02-14T09:37:00.000-08:00

It may surprise you that there are many people who you may interact with daily who have what I call, " a secret pain". These are people, it might be you, who have a chronic or reoccurring illness that is painful, scary, may incapacitate you, make you feel vulnerable, bring up issues of "who" you are , bring back painful memories..... Illness can do that to us. And there are thousands of people who have diseases, syndromes, disorders that no one can see. So often other people think they are "faking", they are "lazy" , it is "all in your head". And of course, those comments make things worse and even more painful.

If this is you or if you know someone who may have a "secret pain" know one thing- When you are faced with a situation that you cannot change- you CAN change the way you think about it. You CAN change the way you respond to insensitive comments or questions, You CAN set your boundaries about what you are willing to do and what you are not will to do. YOU have the POWER to do this. Please always remember this, in the midst of pain, discomfort, suffering and even dispair. I normally don't recommend myself in these blogs but I CAN help you these issues. Please call me. The consultation is without cost, and if you choose to see me in my office for psychotherapy I will help you with these difficult issues. I know about these issues personally.

help for depression-always keep on trying

2010-02-05T14:26:00.000-08:00

I have thinking about what happens to us when we get ill. It is easy to feel depressed if you have pain, discomfort or even have to change your diet or lifestyle. After all, most of us have "a certain way of doing things" and it might be scary to think that you might have to change to way you live. It might be very scary! So what do you do? Well you could deny your pain, your illness and just take medications that may mask the pain.... or you can look at what you CAN control. How is your diet? How is your exercise regimen? how is your stress level? Are you reading? Learning? Growing? All THESE things are in your control. If you have not been eating the most healthy diet.... Change it! wouldn't you rather feel better than eat that piece of chocolate or have that drink? Maybe you don't like to stretch or exercise.... isn't it easier to learn how to do this than get addicted to pain medication?
Always look at what you can control and focus on those areas... Why waste your precious energy on being sad about what you cannot control? Life is here for you now!

The new year

2010-01-18T09:10:00.000-08:00

Did you ever notice that just when one issue is resolved another arises? The interesting thing about this phenomenon is that this is called LIFE. I remember when I was little, I thought that once I grew up everything would "settle" into the "adult life". Our little brains cannot understand the complexities of adult life so it can actually be a shock when we realize that life is full of obstacles we have to overcome. But it is these obstacles that give us the opportunities to grow and learn. And as we learn and grow we get to experience our lives in a deeper more meaningful way.
There are times that are traumatic for us. As I wrote in prior blogs, the brain does change with these traumas so it will take longer for us to recover and heal.... but we CAN do this with the help of professionals and the support of people who love you. Our brain may tell us it will ALWAYS be like this.... but... I invite you to become aware of when you are thinking that something will "always" or something will "never" change. Start becoming aware of those words in your thinking.... And start changing the dialogue with yourself. This is the first step, the most important first step....

The Emotional Brain- help for depression

2010-01-07T05:53:00.000-08:00

I have been watching a wonderful series on PBS I believe is called, "The Emotional Brain". If anyone is interested in understanding how their brain works and how the brain regulates thoughts and feeling I would highly recommend this. Go to PBS.org and check it out! Often when we are feeling depressed, anxious, afraid we are also confused, we can start thinking about why this is happening and most importantly when will this end! Well it seems that when we have depression, the part of the brain that regulates our sense of time and place and thus perpective, basically allowing us to put things in perspective, does not work well! In the cases of chronic depression the hippocampus(this is the area in the brain) actually SHRINKS. So now you know why it may be so hard to get perspective and hope for the future when you are depressed! BUT there is also research that the brain is pliable and we can, with positive thoughts change our brains!
So.... if you are depressed and you know WHY you are feeling hopeless, trust me, trust your loved ones, trust your therapist, you CAN feel better...
Take a deep breathe, allow this day to unfold and start to take action today. You can call me for a consultation , go back to the therapist you have liked in the past-you have the power to change the way you view your life.

help for depression- start with today

2010-01-03T07:16:00.000-08:00

It seems only yesterday that 2009 arrived and now it is 2010. And what a year it was!
As we get older (and of course we all do!) the time goes by quicker and quicker. And then we look back and wonder where all the time went. Strange phenomenon!

Often when there is a look back there may be a sadness about maybe some things you did that you wished you hadn't done and all things you wished for that you did not have the time or were not in the position to pursue. All around us are decisions that we have to make.... pursue this, don't pursue that... Sometimes we are so afraid to give up the idea of something we can feel paralysed to move forward. The truth is that there are many things in life that we will never pursue, many things we have to give up because we have only so much time in our precious lives! And this can be depressing for many people... to give up a dream....But what DO you have have? This is the really important thing- do you treasure what you DO have or complain that you don't have something else? You can choose to do either. One can make you grateful the other can make you sad- What life do YOU want to lead- A sad life filled with all the things you did not get to pursue or a grateful live- seeing life fully as it is and appreciating what you have? You decide... And today you can make a decision to CHANGE the way you think about your life... And today you can continue to be present and enjoy the richness of life, the trees, the sun , the birds, your breath, loving and kindness.

it is the best of times and the worst of times-help for depression

2009-12-24T08:10:00.000-08:00

This holiday season is the best of times for many people, bringing together friends and family to celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah. There is good food, good conversation and lots of love.... but this season may also be the worst of times for those who are not able to celebrate with their friends or family because of losses or estrangements. Holidays frequently being out the best and the worst of people. Maybe your family gets together and old wounds are opened, maybe you did not have the money for the gifts you wanted to give, Maybe there is an empty seat at your table from a loss.
What can you do about all these things? How can you cope then there is loss or disappointment?
Lets start with the gifts.....The people who love you don't care about the price of the gift they are receiving.... are you kind? are you loving? These qualities are worth much more than any gift.
Is there an empty seat at your table this holiday season? Honor that person today with your loving thoughts, maybe light a candle for them. They are always with you in your heart.
Maybe you don't celebrate the holidays... do your friends? The most giving thing you can do is allow them their holiday and take these days for self reflection...maybe a hike if you can... Are you alone during the holidays? Ask a friend if you can share the holiday with them... its OK to ask... But most important.. if you are feeling down, sad, depressed... reach out... always reach out and breathe the deep, deep breath of this glorious life.

help for depression-knowing who to trust

2009-12-19T09:25:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we make mistakes in knowing who to trust. Sometimes a person who we thought we could trust makes a mistake in judgement and we lose our faith in them. Did this ever happen to you? Many people in my practice come to me because they feel they cannot trust anyone. They have GLOBALISED their feelings of mistrust to everyone around them. This can be quite distressing and can lead to a sense of alienation and and even depression.

The truth is that we all are human and at one time or another we disappoint someone or someone disappoints us. Does that mean we lose all trust in humanity?

Giving a person a second chance can be a compassionate thing to be for both you and the other person. Once we truly recognize we are all flawed and we are STILL OK we can begin to forgive the other person and forgive ourselves. and as we do this we can take a deep slow breath, close our eyes and feel just a bit lighter, with the load of the disappointment off our shoulders. Try this next time you get disappointed with someone and tell me you how this worked

depression help- ask for what you need!

2009-12-11T16:24:00.000-08:00

How many times have you wanted to pick up the phone to talk to a loved one but you "didn't want to bother them". I have heard many clients say this to me over the years. How many times have you consistently not gotten what you want from a relationship? This is a common theme for many people as well. When I ask someone if they have directly asked for what they want in a relationship, they will say NO! It is not surprising that they are not getting what they want. The truth is that even if someone tells you they are psychic they don't know what you need- you have the obligation to share this information with them.
What often happens is that someone does not get what they need because they never told the person what those needs are and then - they are angry at them. It is a vicious cycle but you have the power to end it. All you have to do is be honest with someone, in a loving and compassionate way. They will thank you for doing this. And if they don't... well this is a risk and our lives are full of emotional risks... at least we asked. Try this and tell me if it works.

sometimes we can't see what is right in front of us-help for depression

2009-12-04T14:02:00.000-08:00

I opened my frig the other day for some creamer for my morning coffee. I looked through the frig and it was nowhere to be found. I thought I had bought some but, well, maybe I forgot. Well... later on in the day, after I had bought some I opened my frig and there it was, the creamer, right in front of me. I laughed at myself at another example of how we sometimes don't see what is right in front of us!
Then..... I started thinking about this happens so often in our lives. My clients often tell me stories that I replay for them, often reframing what they said in a different vantage point. It is often during the reframing their eyes open and they say, "WOW- I never looked at it like that". Sometimes it takes another person to help us see things more clearly. Sometimes the truth is SO in front of us we are blind to it.... maybe we are so used to NOT seeing the truth, not seeing reality as it is.
Sometimes we are afraid to see the truth so even if it right in front of us we can't see it. But.... if we don't see what is really going on- You Can Never Move Forward and Heal.....Please don't be afraid to ask for help to clarify what is really going on.

help for depression- post thanksgiving

2009-11-28T08:37:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the days after holidays can feel depressing for some people. Maybe there was conflict at the holiday table, maybe someone drank too much, maybe you ate too much....When we get together for big events it is common to feel excitement and apprehension. Maybe you saw someone you hadn't seen in a long time... Maybe there was someone very important who was not at your table because they died during the year... Well this time of the year can be sad and it can also be a time to look back at this past year and think about what you have accomplished, what you want to continue doing, what would you like to improve on and what can you be grateful for.

This has been a very difficult year for many people. You may have seen loved ones lose alot of money, lose their homes, their jobs.... There have been many, many challenges. But you are still here with the opportunity, today, to continue trying, to continue loving and caring to be open to all possibilities. Today is the perfect time for you to breathe the fresh cool air of a late fall day in Marin. Why don't you try it now. Take a deep whole breathe, hold it and breathe out fully. You can start anew today with this breath.

anxious?

2009-11-21T14:45:00.000-08:00

I was thinking as I was running on my favorite trail this lovely, crisp fall day about the trouble we can get into if all we do is focus on our goals and not on the process we take to complete our goals. Sometimes, when you are so focused on getting something done you can forget about all the wonder that is around you while you are getting it done! And this can create so much anxiety for you. Being able to have a deep focus is a wonderful gift and something you can use your whole life-but.... focus should only be a signpost not the trail itself! There is always much more on the trail of life than your goal and focus. Once you stop and look around you will see what there is- a smile of a little child, the smell of a flower, the breeze of coming storm, the touch of your beloved-
Happy holidays and talk to you next week

depression help

2009-11-15T13:48:00.000-08:00

What is your philosophy about life? Have you ever thought about this? As I was running on this lovely, sunny day I was thinking about how our philosophies about our lives are usually directly related to religion or spirituality of our childhood. You may not have been told by your parents or your community "This is our philosophy" but most likely you were shown through their actions. When you were young did you see kindness and generosity in your life? Did you see greed? If you saw kindness in your life you most likely grew up with a philosophy that being kind was a positive and important thing. If you were shown greed when you were young , most likely you grew up thinking that "getting one over" on someone was the way to go. The problem is that we did not have a choice as children.

Now, in our lives as adults we can examine our philosophies and understand that we have choices now. We don't have to feel everyone is out to get us or the world isn't fair and we will never get our needs met. We can discover for ourselves who we want to be and start now to grow into our authentic selves. And as we do this we heal and as we heal, depression can lift-move out of our lives.

continued.....stepping on poop...

2009-11-08T13:26:00.000-08:00

Many people have mentioned my blog on "stepping on poop" so I thought I might talk more about this! All of us, at some time in our lives, have metaphorically "stepped in poop". What I mean is we have all had painful, sad, upsetting things happen to us in our lives. This is a given. So now that we know this happens we can think about how we want to react and respond to these events.

When I began graduate school I was secretly hoping that I would learn that the way we see ourselves, our lives and others does not relate back to our childhood..

It just seemed like it would easier to heal and change since, for many of us, our childhood is long ago.... But in the ten years that I have been working with clients it is so clear that it really does start in our childhood. That is where we learn how to react to stress, pain and sadness. This is where we develop our sense of self and sense of worth in this world. So.... if you want to change the way you react to "stepping in poop" look at the story you carry about this from your childhood... but don't dwell there.... bring it into the present to find what is true and what is not. You DON"T have to react to stress like you mother or father. This is NOT your truth. When you find your truth, your authenticity, you will be able to survive and be present in this wonderful moment, even if you have poop on your shoe.

it is what it is, or is it?

2009-10-31T13:07:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine likes to say, "it is what it is" and I never quite got what that meant. Many people say this expression. In fact, it was listed on an internet survey as one of the top ten expressions that irritate people- I'm not alone!
What exactly does it mean anyway? Does it mean that one is resigned to things the way they are? Now there are some things that are the way they are- like one's height- and even this changes as we age. But when I hear people saying this it seems to sound like a resignation of some kind. Do we really want to give up? Now I know my clients are not a random sample of people but I can say that everyone I have ever seen in my work as a therapist sat across from me because- in spite of really wanting to give up- they don't- by being in my office they are saying- it is NOT what it is- I want to make changes! We humans want to grow, change, heal and love. Even when there is seemingly no hope. We can change the way we see ourselves, we can change the way we see others, we can change our expectations and our dreams and hopes.... it does not have to be "what it is"..

I am alive(still) and so are you!

2009-10-27T15:51:00.000-07:00

How many times have you thought about things you wished you would have done differently? How often do you look at friends, relatives or neighbors and wish you had what they had? Regrets, Envy- these can be powerful ways to make ourselves feel bad about ourselves! If only..... if I had......... Lots of ifs and no answers but certainly lots of bad feelings.
What you miss when you are thinking those thoughts is the most wonderful thing about your life- aliveness- what is aliveness to you? think about it - what makes you feel alive? Is it a place or person? Whatever or whoever it is- take a moment to give thanks because I am here to tell you it truly does not matter that you don't have what your neighbor has or that you made mistakes in your life..... the most important thing is that you are alive!
You can choose to spend your time wishing you were wealthier, prettier, more handsome, thinner and regretting that you did not take a certain job 10 years ago or that you did not apply yourself in college 20 years ago. Yes, you can choose to spend all your time, take up all your thoughts and have lots of bad and sad feelings about all you don't have. You CAN choose that-but you can also choose - from today on- be in the present- this present moment- this wondrous and mysterious present moment and find your happiness and contentment with what you have here and now - do we ever have anything else really?

Thinking about acknowledgement

2009-10-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

When you are depressed or anxious it is easy, isn't it, to think about someone who may have wronged you. When was the last time you thought about someone who may have said maybe just one thing but this ended up helping you in your life.
I invite you think about it right now- I bet you will be able to come up with a variety of people-this person does not have to be a teacher or mentor, not even a good friend, but even in a short conversation at a party a person may say something that resonates with you - maybe they recommend a book that ended up helping you significantly... Now, this is the fun part- have you ever told them? Acknowledgment can be so meaningful to both you and the other person. Why don't you experiment with this- think of someone who has helped you or was particularly kind and give them a call and tell them. I can't imagine anyone who would not accept this with open arms! If we did this for each other we may need to go to a therapist like myself for assistance with self-esteem issues because we see who we truly are with acknowledgement. tell me what happens- I'd love to hear about it!

more thoughts on the "poop" blog

2009-10-20T10:39:00.001-07:00

Several people have commented on my "poop" blog so I thought expounding on it may be a good idea. Throughout your lives you all have probably "stepped on dog poop". It the kind of thing that makes you say, "Oh shoot" or various other things in response.
It is what we do, or HOW WE THINK about this that is the most important thing. We can say, "I am so angry, I am going to find out whose dog did this!" or we can say, "This is a sign that I have not been a good person!" or we can say, "Where can I wipe this off because I have things to do!" We probably all know people who would do one of these things. What would you do?
Barbara Ehrenreich, who writes so well and astutely about culture and class just came out with a new book about how "positive thinking" may actually hurt us. Now I have not read the book but I listened to her on KQED. She was talking about how angry she was when she was diagnosed with cancer and how she did not feel safe saying she was angry because everyone was saying she was "supposed to think positively"... Well, back to the dog poop stuff... I say, get angry! of yes, if you want- but then think, "Do I want to spend this day angry?" I know I don't- anger to me sours everything.

rain, then not

2009-10-15T15:40:00.000-07:00

Yes! It was raining and then it stopped. Perfect example of how things change always. This is certain- always certain- things change. When you are stuck you can absolutely believe, with all your heart, that things will never change- and isn't it true that they always do? Now.... sometimes, no matter what you do "things" don't change- that is only if you are waiting for someone else to change- now this is a different story- the only changes that happen are ones you can make yourself. again, you have all the power. this is cool .... and a lot of responsibility.

The benefits of noticing

2009-10-09T11:03:00.000-07:00

I was running along a path today that is frequented by lots of dogs and their owners. One little dog was in the water and apparently was stuck! The owner noticed this, ran and got his dog out of the water quickly. The dog ran down the path like nothing had happened.
What if someone in your life needs some support or help? How do you know? Well, just like the above story the first, most important piece of this is Noticing. When we take notice of others as well as ourselves we can identify what is going on. We are often so busy we forget to Notice....
We can notice if a loved one is down, notice if we are not sleeping well, notice is we are more fatigued, noticed if a loved one needs our help.
Take a deep long breath right now and hold it for 3 seconds... breath out fully and then notice....everything

Some times we step in dog poop

2009-10-07T14:37:00.000-07:00

After a run the other day I noticed I had stepped in dog poop! When I was thinking about it today I realized that what I did when I noticed the dog poop was much more important that the fact of it..... I cleaned my shoes off and moved forward.
Just like life- sooner or later you will, at some time, will step in "dog Poop" not literally but metaphorically. Things happen in our lives that we wish didn't. Our brains love to go over and over and over whatever happened and we get lost in our thoughts. Nothing changes because WE do not change how we think about whatever happened.

But there is always hope because all of us CAN change the way we think about anything. We have everything we need to do this. Next time you "step in poop" think about this.

help for sandwich generation

2009-10-04T11:33:00.000-07:00

As I was running today I got to thinking about the Sandwich generation - those of you who are caring for an elderly parent or parents. It can be difficult to balance taking care of yourself and feeling good about it and at the same time caring for an elderly parent. So often you may feel guilty living a good comfortable life when you parents may be suffering or unhappy or ailing.
Or maybe you are working and trying to balance your own life and have the added pressure of making sure your parents are cared for.
Such IS our life, though. Balancing, always balancing- and knowing that caring for the self is the most important, fundamental piece of this marvelous life puzzle because it is only when we truly value ourselves can we be there for our loved ones.

Not taking anything for granted

2009-10-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

It is another beautiful day here in Marin. We are so lucky to live in such a luscious place . So often we take this for granted because it is an integral part of our lives. If you are taking this for granted I invite you to think about this notion- not to judge yourself - judging ourselves are always non-productive- but to view this place in maybe a new light.

Do you go out and take hikes here? When is the last time you noticed the trees, the birds, heard the birds overhead or maybe noticed any wind or sun against your face? Do you ever go out on a trail alone to ponder these things?
When I hike alone, with no conversation with another I find I can see more and hear more of this wonderful place. Sometimes being only with yourself is a great way to appreciate all that you have. Even if you are having a difficult time.

Our changing thoughts and feelings

2009-09-24T10:27:00.000-07:00

As I was doing my morning run I was thinking about how our feelings and thoughts are continually changing. What this means is that the way we feel one moment always shifts. When I work with clients who are depressed, it is common for them to think that nothing will ever change. When we start to become aware of all our passing thoughts and feelings we can start to see that everything changes. The sad feelings will change and shift.
What great news! We can always feel better.

Start noticing your thoughts and how they shift and change. You don't have to do anything, you don't have to judge anything... just notice... Always notice

More thoughts on Perseverance

2009-09-22T08:21:00.000-07:00

I continue to think about how important it is to "continue trying". So many times we may want to give up, but the difference between success and failure may be that last push... But sometimes, and this is catch, sometimes, no matter how much we try, we may not be able to win. We may not be able to win the job, win the relationship... So what do we do then?...... Well, many years ago, when I was an undergraduate at San Francisco State I worked for a local newspaper selling advertising. I remember going over to my boss and being very frustrated... "They don't want to buy the ad space!", I said, after all my hard work... My boss looked at me squarely and said, "Good, now you know they don't want it, move on to someone else!!"
I learned something very important that day. Perseverance is so vital but at some point you have to let go and move on!

I am alive and so are you

2009-09-17T11:01:00.000-07:00

I was awakened this morning by a single bird singing and as I ran on my morning run I thought about this bird and how it signified a wonderful thing- I am alive! How often do we forget about this fact, take it for granted, when it is the most important thing we have. This life. As I run on my favorite fire road I see tree after tree - they have been there for a long time. They have been viewed by so many people. How many times you have passed a tree, thinking about what is wrong in your life, thinking about your problems and forgot to look at the most important thing... your life...your aliveness. Go outside today and find a tree, any tree, it doesn't matter and see the tree, its leaves, any birds on the tree, and think- It is life and I am alive. I do this often and it grounds me and places me in the present moment. Try it.

More thoughts on perseverance

2009-09-16T11:10:00.000-07:00

As I was running this morning I was thinking about how important Exercise has been in my life. In fact, I think it saved my life. 35 years ago I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. You probably know someone who has this autoammune disorder. Since that time I have been exercising regularly. Everyone talks about how exercise is great for keeping fit and of course this is true but there is substantial research that shows that exercise can help decrease disease and increase your health, both physically and mentally. I know this personally.
And getting back to perseverance- well..... I remember MANY times when I was feeling fatigued and in discomfort and I exercised anyway. I ALWAYS felt better. I persevered. When I assist my clients with developing successful WAYS of being, they can be assured I have tried and used all the tools and successfully myself. If I can do it they can! And they do.How cool!

Perseverance

2009-09-15T12:54:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about the importance of perseverance in the face of difficult times. When we are overwhelmed with losses or difficult circumstances in our lives we may want to literally roll up in a ball and do nothing. It is much like "playing dead" that an animal might do when they are attacked. Playing dead, or rolling up in a ball are actually survival mechanisms! But when we are inactive for too long it is simply not a Successful survival mechanism. That is why Perseverance in the face of difficulty is so important.
When there is depression and sadness, one important way that a therapist like myself can diagnose this is asking the question, " Are you less active that you used to be, are you less motivated to get up and move to be involved with life?" We want to roll up in a ball, we want to lay in bed. This may be happening to you right now.
But when you persevere and get up anyway, and keep trying and keep Learning, you can feel better. I know this up and close personal.
Think of this word today and how you can keep on trying.